Noobies VÜ

Wiley, brilliant ladies. You gotta hand it to them.
As a man, I can never empirically observe the phenomenon of "cramping, bloating, and general malaise" brought on by the "monthly visitor". As such I propose that perhaps this "torture" doesn't actually exist. hmmm
Let's face it, Woman often receives the brunt of the blame when it comes to Man's supposed fall in the original Garden. But please, I don't think she shoved that apple (or whatever it was) down the dude's throat. Something tells me it was akin to him saying, "bitch, I'm hungry, get me something to eat." Whereupon she came back with, "shove this in your mouth you lazy ass." Along with plenty of, "I don't care what that booming voice in the clouds tells you I was not put on this earth to service your every whim. Now get off your butt and help me clean this place. Psh leaving your banana peels and crap every where, garden of Eden my ass, it's more of a pigsty than anything else..."
Obviously, early woman needed a break once in a while. And man was she smart. She didn't ask for too much, just a couple of days each month. So I think she gathered all her little girls and let them know, "you know what, men are pigs, always have been. So, we need to take matters in our own hands. We can't vote, we can't own property, shit, we are property in their minds, so we need to come up with something that allows us some much needed 'me time'. Now let's make it really icky for them so they don't even want to think about it. Suggestions?"
"How about our breasts get sore and they need to not be touched?"
"Hmm. Not bad, Anyone else?"
"O ooo, I know my man hates stomach aches, let's have one of those!"
"Oh, yes that's good, but let's make it waaaayyyy worse than anything they have ever experienced. Next."
"My man gets really grossed out when I discuss my uterus sloughing its lining."
"Perfect, you are exactly right! Let's round all these things up and from now on that all happens for 3-4 days each month. For those of us that are really good at it, I bet we could parlay that into at least a day off or two in the future when we finally get the right to have our own jobs. It's brilliant, we don't even need to prove how much pain there is since there is no way to actually measure pain beyond personal anecdotes."
Ok, so maybe that's not how it all went down, but if it did, that is bloody brilliant. Men need something like that!
I have no problem with women, hell I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for one. But since I am "a gay" I don't have to worry about my girl cutting me off for voicing my doubts of the veracity of her claim of misery once a month.
But damnit, I would like to be able to simply call into work some day and just say, "I can't come in, I'm having *hushed tones* male problems." The person on the other end will nod sympathetically and tell me, "ok, I'll let them know, thanks for calling in." No questions asked, because it would be universal and accepted.
What can us guys use as a justifiable excuse... hmmm....
I know, Morning Stiffness!
This happens to all guys alllll the time and we all know what a pain it can be. The beauty of this ailment is that it would even work for small boys because we've all gone through the whole, "mommy my pee-pee huuurrrrtttsss." So there is a basis in history for this argument. Any woman with a boy-child has heard the complaint, and like us and menstruation, she has no idea HOW much it hurts. I say we play it up. (just like they may or may not be playing up theirs)
"You ladies have no idea how bad this is. I can't peeee in the morning, do you know what that's like? And you laugh at me as I try to position myself in poses that make yoga look tame to try and aim that thing to the bowl. It's murder, I just can't go into work today."
Another plus for this "issue" is that while they can only really use it once a month (though I am pretty sure I have noticed some apparently going through their period at least 2-3 times a month) we could actually use ours pretty much every day!
And since they have a nifty name for their issue using a punctuation mark, we, being men and more dramatic I say we use the exclamation point! (thank you Gary for the idea)
"Oh god, I can't go to work today, I woke up with my exclamation point. sigghhhhhhhh" It's also quite descriptive when you think about it.
So tell me boys, what do you think? Does this have potential? If you think so, we have to get on this right away so that it can get into our gender memory. This type of thing has to be handed down from father to son, just as the period and all its woes are from mother to daughter.
Can we do this? In the words of the current president, "yes, we can!" oo look an exclamation point!

Try as I might I just have a hard time getting past this damn revelation that a friend has no
respect for the sanctity of his relationship and has decided to cheat on the person he's with.
Even though I don't know all the particulars of what is going on it seems so shitty to do this.
Never mind that there are two sides to every story I just have a difficult time accepting it.
The gay community has been fighting to have the right to marry just like everyone else. It's
only right that they cheat just like the straight community does as well, I suppose.
Now studies have shown that 50-60% of men cheat on their spouse at one time or another. Of
course that would mean that in a gay relationship 100% of the philanderer's are men. duh
However, it is still just a downer to me, as a person who has not been fortunate enough to
enter into a long term relationship, that someone who is in one can shit on it so willingly.
As far as what that means to me, not a lot. I don't try to pass judgements but let's be honest
to be cheated on has to suck, and to have other people know about it when you don't has to
entirely suck in such a much more extreme way.
Don't cheat people, if you aren't that much into your partner, move on don't fuck around
on your partner and disrespect the relationship and what it stands for.
No one will ever take gay marriage seriously if we can't prove that it really is that precious. I
don't assume that all relationships are perfect, gay or other wise. But while we are under the
all powerful religious right's microscope of what is right and what is wrong biblically, we can't
very well expect to prove our point that love is love regardless of gender.
I hope that some day I will be fortunate enough to get into a relationship with that
one person who I will want to bind myself to for as long as we both shall live.
No matter what goes on with these two, I hope I can do that. I hope I have that chance.

WOW it has been ages since I last posted. I had started this blog with the intention of posting at least once a week. Epic fail that one.
So, a week ago I got a wild hair and decided to trouble shoot my non-functioning rear window wiper on my Wrangler. Apparently it's the motor itself and not something easy like a loose wire. sigh. So, for no real reason other than I was seized with a ridiculous sudden obsession to correct it, (never mind that it hasn't worked in at least 3 years) I removed the offending motor to see if I could verify it didn't work off the Jeep, since it would be easier to get at that way. I think that all men's ( and I'm sure some women's) epic failures start out with such a simple premise. "Oh, this will be easy peasy, no fuss no muss, just pull it off and see if I can fix it." This part to replace would be $70 including the core, but before I set myself to ordering the replacement I had to make sure the original was indeed broken.
So, after one threaded bushing removed and one hinge nut loosened, I pulled off the motor. That was easy. No problems, no stress. Then I decided I should probably tighten the hinge nut back up since I would be driving my Jeep to work the next day. Well, long story a little shorter, apparently the glass shifted and when I started to tighten the nut back down I heard a little pop. Not thinking about it much I threw a little spice behind the wrench to make sure it wouldn't come loose. (A little aside here, it is common knowledge that most men do not bother with being so accurate as to use just the right amount of torque to tighten bolts and nuts. We wrench on that sum bitch like we're using one of those passion testers at the fair. We are not gonna have people think we are pussies that only rate a "clammy hand-holder" we want "passionate love machine"!) So, away I go and all of a sudden POW shatterrrrrr! the window pretty much explodes in front of me. Being the manly fellow I am (no comments bitches) I cry out like a little girl. Literally. You try having a window shatter into thousand of pieces thisclose to your face and not cry out at least a little bit.
Turns out that the amount of torque necessary to tighten that nut is akin to the force it takes to turn a doorknob. This would not be much. oops. So now my $70 repair job just swelled to $300 and I still need the wiper motor. oops, I say again.
I learned two things doing this little job, well maybe 3 or 4 but mainly 2. 1- no matter how cheap I think something is going to cost to fix, if I can break it and make it cost on the order of 2 to 5 times more, I will. and 2- I scream like a little girl when things startle me; windows breaking in my face, my father jumping up in front of the living room window after making spooky sounds when I was home alone as a kid, hitting a deer that jumps off the mountain and lands right in front of my car, no lube. Bwahahahahaha that last one was just to see if you're paying attention. Really people, don't believe Brokeback Mountain, if you think you have enough you ALWAYS use more.
So that was my weekend and this was my post. Hopefully I will get more on the ball and post again soon. But then again, probably not.

So I tweeted about this fabulous shirt a while back, and my brother called me about it last night. Made me start to think, the Holodeck HAD to be for porn. I mean, really!
It almost goes without saying that the standard porn industry would fall but I am sure that they would just make like the Borg and adapt and just take it to the next step. But what about the toys? Who would want a vibrator or Fleshlight if they could just get it on with digital tramps?
The question there is, what happens with the... well... effluence?
Nothing is real in the Holodeck, it's all just light but you can interact with it (I won't go into all the physics of it, mostly because I don't understand it, but it's explained well elsewhere, if you're interested.) and apparently be hurt or possibly killed if the fail-safes, well, fail.

We know that they are used for some type of sexual activity given Quark's use of Holosuites on DS9. But it begs the question I previously asked.

I can imagine Picard and Riker having the following exchange after meeting up outside one of the holodecks...
Riker: "Captain, are you waiting on the Holodeck?"
"Yes, Number One, I am, but that damn Wesley is using it again."
"Again? He was just in there a few hours ago. Have you gone in and talked to him?"
"No, I haven't gone in there, do you see what program he's running? That, and it's locked as well."
"Oh, it's one of those programs... Ok, I guess I'll stop back by later."
"Oh, don't worry Riker, he's young shouldn't take but a minute or so, though he'll be back again in a couple of hours."
"Be glad it isn't Worf. Last time I went in there after Worf ran one of his programs I kept slipping on the floor. I don't know why it takes two men to impregnate a Klingon. It looked like someone shook a jug of yogurt all over the room."

Maybe it wouldn't go quite like that, but in my mind it does.

How would you react upon stepping into something like that? Is there some kind of etiquette that is exercised when one uses a holodeck for that type of thing. I mean, you walk in, slip on the floor, fall on your butt and you'd have to be like, "Oh, COME ON!" (literally bwahaha)

I imagine the little hispanic housekeeper from Family Guy cleaning up.
"Is the holodeck available?"
"No, no, eet's no ready, no. You come back later."
"How long..."
"No, eets no ready..."
"No, I was asking,.."
"No, no, eet's no ready. No, no."
Door closes and you stand there frustrated just knowing she's gonna be having a hologram couch and People magazine with a cigarette and ancient Geraldo re-runs.

My sister-in-law sent me an email today. This of itself is no surprise, she emails me most days; funny stuff, videos, Obama slamming (really, I am over it let's let it go ;o)), random images, things of that nature. But today was different. Today she sent a letter expressing her dismay over a certain "military discount" that many restaurants extend. I'll let her explain it here: