Noobies VÜ

Woo hoo, I now have a new range and microwave! Both are a beautiful black and are marvelous, I can feel myself becoming more intelligent and prettier by the moment.
some picture goodness (as always, click to embiggen):


The installation was a bit of a mess, apparently the guy hasn't lived here long and went to LaVerkin instead of Ivins. (for those of you out of the area that's about 35 miles in the opposite direction) So I had to wait for him to get there. Killed my lunch hour. Then when he got there he had a few issues (not all of them sartorial but that was a biggie- look it up. lol) but I guess my cabinets had some hard wood to drill or whatever, my advice, get a new bit. After he finally got it in he went to open it and, I am sitting in the living room mind you, he pipes up, "uh-oh". Don't know about you but this is not a phrase I like hearing when someone is installing stuff. Turns out that Frigidaire didn't make it so the hinge on the door took no extra space. So, since the microwave is hard against the wall, when you open the door the front edge hits the wall before it's half way open. sigh... looks like I have a project ahead of me. I need to scootch the cupboards over half an inch or so. An hour later, appliances installed and all was mostly right with the world.

I also recently changed out my lighting fixture in the bathroom, the old one was hideous. A little before:


and after with dimming action:

Here we go!
This is what the Fireplace looks like now, scrapped off as much of the rust (well-done people) that I could and painted it with a high heat paint made for BBQ's and the polished up the shiny bits. Looks pretty good IMHO, just don't get too close, that rust did a job on the surface of it. I still need to frame in the stainless, but I need a chop saw before I can do that, so that's down the road.

And here be the kitchen. Still need some hardware, but I like the black cabinets a lot.

It's not quite done, but here is a view of my fireplace. (as always, click to embiggen)


Some people probably think i am crazy for blacking it out, but I just did not dig the previous look, plus, thanks to the brilliance of others, the brick was quite stained and the wood insert was, in a word, hih-dee-us. blah. No more!
I still need to frame the stainless and I might put up some fabu things I found at Pier 1 to cut the severity, but I don't know just yet.

Now this whole exercise, with the fireplace and kitchen, has really woken me up to the grossness and filth that some people live in. Mostly the kitchen. Do people (or these people more accurately) choose to live in this kind of filth or are they simply unaware of it? I was getting pretty grossed out by the amount of grease on the cupboard doors above the stove. Totally nasty. And I think it is very possible that if I were ever to meet the previous owners that I would likely do some talking with the back of my hand. What The Phuck man? The tape, seriously? That was the best you could do?
But then they did eventually put on child proof plastic dealies, on everything that opened. The linen closet doors, the doors for the laundry area, all the drawers and doors on the cabinets. For the love of god people, instead of putting that stuff everywhere, here's an idea, watch your damn kids. My mother was a firm believer in the idea that you teach your children what they can and cannot touch. She refused to put things out of reach or "child proof" our home. It made perfect sense, what happens if your precious offspring goes to a friend's home, or baby-sitter's and they don't have the same precautions you took? Teach your kids that what is under the sink, though tasty it may appear, is not for consumption. Knives are sharp, stoves are hot, and peoples' objet d'art are not toys.
I thought I was going to need a blow torch to get the little catches off the drawers, because the damn things wouldn't let me pull the drawer out so I could remove them. But by the grace of god and a pointy screwdriver I was finally able to Conan the damn things off the cabinet.
I am now at peace, mostly, and I am looking forward to completing my kitchen. hopefully putting the doors back on today, and then... hardware. Someday. Of course the stuff I like has to be just about the most expensive you can get. It's not THE most expensive, but in relation to other choices, its' not cheap.
psh. god I wanna slap some people.

It finally happened, I am a big boy now. And no, I don't mean I am wearing pull-ups. I bought a house. Crazy, I know. But it's true. I never would have thought I would have been able to. But after 1 car too many parked in front of the current place, and 1 more screaming match from the neighbors behind us, I had had enough. On a whim I started looking around and, surprise surprise, found that I could actually afford a home.
The home I first wanted was unattainable, it turned out it was a cash only sale and that no bank would finance. The second one, was in the middle of town- a split-level, that was nifty, but it needed a new furnace and ceiling in the kitchen, among other things. The furnace and ceiling before it could even be closed on. The third was in Santa Clara, AMAZING views, but the back wall around the yard was falling down the hill, and the shaker shingle roof needed replacing, again before the loan would close. I bid on it though, never did hear back. So the 4th home came along.
My roomie Jared referred to it as jailhouse architecture. So I think I'll call it "the pen" but it had qualities I really liked, size for one, a garage, and a decent lot. I also feel it has a ton of potential. Not totally thrilled that it's in Ivins, but not a big deal.
So I have started work on it (oh, I put in an offer and it was accepted and I closed on the home, obviously. The bank came down a whopping $400 on the price, oooo, they did provide closing costs though, so... I let that go.) Before I could close on the home I had to by a new window that some little vandal broke, and I also had to fix the water heater. Not too bad, couple hundred bones later, I have a house. And a mortgage. YIKES!
(click images to embiggen ;o) )


A couple of the things I didn't like were the fireplace, and the kitchen cabinets. I had plans for both of these, so I am working diligently on them. We have 30 days before we move in so I have time.
About the kitchen cabinets, you can't see it so much in the photos, but they are covered in adhesive left behind from clear packing tape. You can see it on the dishwasher and if you click the picture you can see it on the drawers, they are dirty strips about 3 inches wide that run side to side. It's really noticeable on the third drawer down. I have tried every kind of solvent I can think of to try and strip this shit off. But it comes down to elbow grease, goo-gone and a metal scraper. Lame. I have no idea what these people were doing with all the tape. I can only think it's a white-trash attempt at child-proofing, it only appears on the lower cabinets and drawers, nothing on the uppers.


Then the fireplace. This one is a little odd. It's not BAD looking, it's just a bit westerny, and the insert is rusted for days. The thing is the water heater is upstairs and when they winterized the home they just opened the drain and let the water go. straight. down. the. chimney. onto the insert, well done morons. You can pretty much guess where the water heater is by looking at the white stains on the brick. Where they start is just below the water heater (FYI it's lime leaching out of the grout between the bricks). That stain is rough to clean as well, and pretty much sticks around. I don't like the wood or the color of the bricks anyway, so I am covering the wood and painting the brick out. In a few years I plan on putting on a stack-stone veneer. (It is so strange to use that sentence, in a few years. wow. hello commitment. *big eyes*)

So that's where we're at so far folks. I will post more as I complete projects. woo hoo, so excited.

Wiley, brilliant ladies. You gotta hand it to them.
As a man, I can never empirically observe the phenomenon of "cramping, bloating, and general malaise" brought on by the "monthly visitor". As such I propose that perhaps this "torture" doesn't actually exist. hmmm
Let's face it, Woman often receives the brunt of the blame when it comes to Man's supposed fall in the original Garden. But please, I don't think she shoved that apple (or whatever it was) down the dude's throat. Something tells me it was akin to him saying, "bitch, I'm hungry, get me something to eat." Whereupon she came back with, "shove this in your mouth you lazy ass." Along with plenty of, "I don't care what that booming voice in the clouds tells you I was not put on this earth to service your every whim. Now get off your butt and help me clean this place. Psh leaving your banana peels and crap every where, garden of Eden my ass, it's more of a pigsty than anything else..."
Obviously, early woman needed a break once in a while. And man was she smart. She didn't ask for too much, just a couple of days each month. So I think she gathered all her little girls and let them know, "you know what, men are pigs, always have been. So, we need to take matters in our own hands. We can't vote, we can't own property, shit, we are property in their minds, so we need to come up with something that allows us some much needed 'me time'. Now let's make it really icky for them so they don't even want to think about it. Suggestions?"
"How about our breasts get sore and they need to not be touched?"
"Hmm. Not bad, Anyone else?"
"O ooo, I know my man hates stomach aches, let's have one of those!"
"Oh, yes that's good, but let's make it waaaayyyy worse than anything they have ever experienced. Next."
"My man gets really grossed out when I discuss my uterus sloughing its lining."
"Perfect, you are exactly right! Let's round all these things up and from now on that all happens for 3-4 days each month. For those of us that are really good at it, I bet we could parlay that into at least a day off or two in the future when we finally get the right to have our own jobs. It's brilliant, we don't even need to prove how much pain there is since there is no way to actually measure pain beyond personal anecdotes."
Ok, so maybe that's not how it all went down, but if it did, that is bloody brilliant. Men need something like that!
I have no problem with women, hell I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for one. But since I am "a gay" I don't have to worry about my girl cutting me off for voicing my doubts of the veracity of her claim of misery once a month.
But damnit, I would like to be able to simply call into work some day and just say, "I can't come in, I'm having *hushed tones* male problems." The person on the other end will nod sympathetically and tell me, "ok, I'll let them know, thanks for calling in." No questions asked, because it would be universal and accepted.
What can us guys use as a justifiable excuse... hmmm....
I know, Morning Stiffness!
This happens to all guys alllll the time and we all know what a pain it can be. The beauty of this ailment is that it would even work for small boys because we've all gone through the whole, "mommy my pee-pee huuurrrrtttsss." So there is a basis in history for this argument. Any woman with a boy-child has heard the complaint, and like us and menstruation, she has no idea HOW much it hurts. I say we play it up. (just like they may or may not be playing up theirs)
"You ladies have no idea how bad this is. I can't peeee in the morning, do you know what that's like? And you laugh at me as I try to position myself in poses that make yoga look tame to try and aim that thing to the bowl. It's murder, I just can't go into work today."
Another plus for this "issue" is that while they can only really use it once a month (though I am pretty sure I have noticed some apparently going through their period at least 2-3 times a month) we could actually use ours pretty much every day!
And since they have a nifty name for their issue using a punctuation mark, we, being men and more dramatic I say we use the exclamation point! (thank you Gary for the idea)
"Oh god, I can't go to work today, I woke up with my exclamation point. sigghhhhhhhh" It's also quite descriptive when you think about it.
So tell me boys, what do you think? Does this have potential? If you think so, we have to get on this right away so that it can get into our gender memory. This type of thing has to be handed down from father to son, just as the period and all its woes are from mother to daughter.
Can we do this? In the words of the current president, "yes, we can!" oo look an exclamation point!