A few months ago I was on a quest, a quest to make my bathrooms look fabulous and cohesive and tied together. Roomie Constance and I had gone to mucho trouble to repaint the cabinets and mirrors in our respective bathrooms an awesome modern black. They look really good if we do say so ourselves. And we do. Throw in some nice nickle hardware and those poop palaces look fabulous, see here.
One problem though, Roomie Connie's toilet seat was in wretched shape and she found herself either struggling to stay on the damn thing as it wriggled around under her, or got her delicate bum cheeks pinched by the broken vinyl cover. I decided I'd come to her rescue. I mean I do own the stupid house, it was up to me to replace that hazard we referred to as a toilet seat.
So began my quest, I didn't want just the run of the mill toilet seat, I wanted one that would match her decor, and damnit while I was at it I might as well get one for my bathroom, even though the seat down there was fine.
Well, success! I discovered a place on Amazon that sold Black toilet seats! Huzzah!
In truth I was hoping for a black version of what I had downstairs; a dark oak natural grain toilet seat. I was only able to locate gloss versions. But I was like, heck yeah, sounds good! So I ordered two of those bad boys.
When the seats arrived I immediately eventually put them in, a day or so later. They looked magnificent. So modern. So classy. Perfect.
Imagine my dismay when a day later I looked at the one in the downstairs bathroom just a little too closely.
SHOCK AND HORROR! What the hell is that?!
There, outlined on our perfect toilet seat was an ass bum print. Mine or one of the roomies' is not known, probably a bit of both, or all three if we're being specific and accurate. This could not stand. (fear not, no images are forthcoming)
I immediately grabbed my Lysol wipes and went to town cleaning it. Of course I then had to wait to take care of business as I was worried what the wet Lysol would do to my delicate parts.
Why I was surprised by this development is unknown, possibly because I just didn't do the math.
Whenever we use something with a glossy surface we leave a smear behind; just look at your cellphone for verification of that fact. It's not just our faces that are covered in oils and dead skin; it's pretty much our whole body. Ew. As embarrassed as you might get when someone sees your cellphone now imagine that feeling when you realize you do that to a toilet seat. Now realize that you do that to every toilet seat, not just the black ones.
I am struggling with not changing out the toilet seats with standard wood or white ones, just so I am not confronted with the visible evidence of what we all leave behind. It's still gonna be there, I just won't see it. I guess there is some truth to the phrase, "out of sight is out of mind".
I don't blame either of the roomies for this, keep that clear, we are all the same and they are both fastidious in their hygiene, but... damn.
So, I'm either eventually gonna get new seats, again, or buy some ass gaskets disposable toilet seat covers, a ton of Lysol wipes, or learn to ignore it. I just highly doubt it will be that last choice. Oh god. What have I done?
