In concert with the fabulous Spin Off, I am continuing on in the vein of educating people to the wiles of the notorious douche bag. Whilst he focused on the most apparent and obvious of the breed, the Peacock of Douche-baggery, I have elected to turn my gaze to the Dodo-style.
This ever elusive member of the douche bag world is subtle and cunning and often only exposes itself during moments of duress or assumed immunity to censure.
Unlike the prideful douche bag that frequents gyms, clubs, restaurants and Wal-mart, and likes to boast of its status with the aforementioned items of accoutrement described on Spin Off, the Dodo douche bag blends into the scenery and utilizes the surprise attack. It sneaks its douche-baggery into conversations and work place meetings like the bird that it derives its name from, sneaks eggs into nests.
We all know someone that we think is a stealth douche bag. If we think it, it is likely so. There is no cure for the Dodo douche bag any more than there is one for the Peacock douche bag, but since they are so insidious in nature they are much more dangerous to your livelihood and business and often financial success.
Keep your eyes open and watch out. They like to sneak up on you and strike when you least expect. Sometimes you can notice their presence by the tell-tale stench of vinegar, as if they've spilled summer's eve on their clothes, but don't rely on that.
Another thing to keep in mind is that they are not limited to males and sometimes the female of the species is even more dangerous.
So be careful kiddies. That pat on your back may not be in support but more as a search for a soft spot to shove the knife in.
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Today, after much consternation on my part, I have decided to yield to these philistines that keep commenting that my beloved Flame Gauge cluster is passé and ugly and "mexicanish".
In fact, a wonderful friend of mine has decided to hold an intervention on my part to save me from myself and help bring me "back to the world of taste..."
This from the owner of a wood paneled man-cave and an elks lodge ceiling fan. Lecture me on taste will you! Oh and painting over the wood doesn't negate the fact that it IS wood btw.
She doesn't even have rain gutters for god's sake, AND she spills tea on her white shirt like she is a 3-year old.
Also it is interesting to note, the "po-po" are on a first name basis with her and, I am pretty sure, even know where she lives.
Oh and the other guy? Don't get me started! no really, don't. psh red led dash lights. what's next, pretend bullet holes?
But after this diatribe I must admit that they believe they have my best interests at heart, and they may have somewhat of a point. Perhaps it was a cosmic intercession that kept me from being able to purchase all that hotness. Maybe I shouldn't get them and perhaps this will give me time to rethink my love of them. They do seem like something that would be spiffy one day and hideous the next. Maybe instead of being incensed at my thoughtful and caring friends I should thank them for saving me from myself.
Or just shank them with my keister stashed shiv. hmm I like that idea better.
Roaming around I found this snazzy bit of hotness!
I have wanted to go with white gauges for a little while but I wasn't sure about it.
Then I found these this morning and they just called out to me, "buy me Mike, buy me..."
Who am I to deny the call of something that so clearly needs me.
I know, they won't really match my Noobs but I think we can pull them off.
We shall see, it's not like I can't rip em back out if they look totally lame.
Edit: Bloody hell. I just tried to order the above and while going through the order it got pissy about my paypal so I had to log into them to correct it. when I jumped back to jwg, their site had changed and now says they won't be taking any other orders until July 31st! seriously, it was less than 5 minutes! WTF
So I was perusing my order through 4WD Hardware to see if my stuff was anywhere near to arriving. Well no. And that's what I was afraid of. BUT Silver lining!
I happened to notice that I had inadvertantly clicked on the wrong part for my intake. It was for a 2005! NOOOOO!
I called and asked to see if there was a difference. "You bet", I was told. AUUGGHHHH!
Well, the guy I talked to (I shall call him Adam, since he told me to) fixed it up for me and corrected my boo boo. He did say that I will have to wait another week for it to come in now. *sigh* but at least it will be the right one and I won't have to pay any fees to correct it. AND (here it comes) whilst chatting with him I mentioned my lamented wheels and having to wait well over a month if I was to order them (trying to make myself feel better about waiting another week for my other parts). He asked me which ones.
"sidebiter 15x8," I replied. (see image below)
*clickity clickity* went his keyboard keys
"I can have those in at the same time as your intake system." He said.
"WWHHHHHAAAAATT!?" I calmly asked. "I thought they were on back order."
"They were, just barely got some in to Denver and the guy who ordered them canceled his order."
"NO way!" says I.
"You want them?"
"Psh, no.
"I mean, HELL yes!"
*clickity clackity* "They'll be here the same time your intake will be."
And Voila, I now have my wheels coming in next week too! NEXT WEEK!
Thank you Adam you are a Prince among men! And I don't mean the guy who went by some unpronouncable symbol for a decade or so.
I have had an issue before with 4WD Hardware if I am to be honest, but I'll tell you this totally made up for it!
I was sort of bored and decided to play around with my photoshop and I decided to 'shop noobie with his new rims, "skin tone", and lift. He looks sorta hot!
I can't wait. I had hoped to make a mouse over image that allowed you to look at it for a longer time but blogger fought my code. I will have to toy with it again tomorrow.
So without further ado; take a peek at the possible future!
Black Clouds & Silver Linings
Is it sad that I am totally amped for the new DT album?
I hope not, and I don't think so. I am looking forward to some new tunes.
It dropped last night and I downloaded it before I went to bed, so today at work will be my first real opportunity to listen to it. It might be lame, but it makes me excited for work. lol
And yes Jared, only one of them is really under 8 minutes and two are over 15. But I likes it! If I'm gonna spend $10-16 bucks for an album I like to get my money's worth.
Well, I don't know if I like it yet. I think I will.
Stay tuned peeps; my full review is pending. Cuz I know you are all just dying to know. lol
Totally bummed.
I was hoping to get wheels for my jeep this coming weekend so that I could pimp it out when my lift is complete. But I was denied. It turns out that the wheels I selected are on back order!
Gah. So the questions become, order the wheels and wait for a month to get them and get my larger tires? Or should I get tires with the wheels I have now and then swap them when I get the new ones? Or, should I just find some different wheels?
I love the wheels I selected, they are a good price and very attractive. The other thing I worry about now is though I have never seen them on a vehicle, at least locally, does this back order thing mean an influx of people will start cropping up with the same wheels? And is that a big enough issue? Tons of jeeps have the wheels I have now. It is kind of nice to have something others don'
t though.
You tell me, look at these sexy beasts!
I am sooo excited (cue Pointer Sisters)
I finally did it. I ordered Noobs (that would be Noobie my namesake and Jeep Wrangler) some go-fast and stand-tall parts! I am hella amped even though I've never lifted a vehicle or even mucked around with suspension geometry on a vehicle before. Well, other than puttin some hot airshocks on my Thunderbird back in the day when such mods were "bitchin".
The go-fast will be totally cake though. Of course I admit, my go-fast and real go-fast are two different things. I am just hoping to be able to time my Jeep from zero to 60 with a watch with at least a minute hand as opposed to a 3 month calendar.
Next up will be some tires and maybe some sexy wheels. I am also hoping for some hot paint! We shall see!
Woe is me.
My reason for being, at least at Panda Express appears to be gone.
Where have you gone to Omar? Will you ever be back?
Your charming little mexi-stache was just starting to really fill out and you were taken from us too soon.
You always knew my two entree plate with orange chicken and mandarin, with no, not fried rice, but steamed. Sigh.
Never again shall I look upon your youthful visage and listen to you give your coworker a hard time about his cheesy wheels and stereo that was too much for his car.
You pretended to know me and you made me feel welcome that you remembered my favorite Panda dishes.
Panda is lesser now, without you.
A moment of silence is called for.
...
...
...
Fare thee well Omar, where ever you may be. May the good sun shine on your face and your Panda bowl always be full.
Hootie hoo noobiesvu is mobile! I totally posted this from my phone. sorta. I did have to edit it cuz it looked pretty lame. But lame no longer! I have corrected it and it now reeks of magnificence.
Ok, So I started this a while ago, and I just erased it all and started again. Goddamn I can be long winded. lol.
"Do I blame other people for my own misfortunes?"
"Do I block people's driveways, knowing full well that I am inconveniencing them and requiring them to hunt me down to move my car so that they can get in or out of their own garage?"
"Do I talk during movies?"
"Do I use my phone to text people during movies while the back light from said phone lights up the theater enough that a guy three rows away can comfortably read the nutritional information on his buncha crunch?"
"Do I run stop lights because I am THAT important and I cannot wait a measly 90 seconds to get to the NEXT light?"
"Do I become so incensed over my employer having to downsize his company that he built from the ground up and found himself unable to maintain the current size that he stayed awake for over a week agonizing over the horrible decision to have to lay-people off AND I was one of the few that survived the cut and maintained my job, but I STILL had to blog about it and blame my boss and accuse him of playing some lame ass, dick swinging, corporate competition skull-fucking, instead of being relieved that he thought enough of me and my performance to maintain my employment so I can care for my preggo wife who doesn't have a job?"
"Do I then bitch and moan over MSN and make the accusation that my thinning boss has lost weight due to drug use instead of the stress of having to ask a bunch of his employees to pack their things because the economy sucks so much ass that it has really cut into the business?" btw I have personally known bosses that have fired people so that they could get a snazzier car, and then laughed about it. This is a boss who really agonized over his having to downsize. I have also heard bosses compete about who laid off more people. This boss did nothing of the sort, and got openly emotional over having to tell people not to come back to work. definitely not the dickswinging skull fucking type.
"Do I also act shocked when I find my ass terminated because I have repeatedly neglected to do my job to the expectation even though I have been warned AND had tenure that helped me maintain my job, EVEN after I blogged about my dick-swinging, skull-fucking boss, but continued to bad mouth him and his company?"
and lastly
After witnessing said event, "do I as an unrelated bystander/coworker, decide that I am not being treated the way I should be and spout off to associated companies about my perceived mistreatment, and then have the audacity to be surprised by own termination but email the person I complained to and blame them for my termination because they narked out my comments to the boss, not being aware of the fact that I was actually talking to someone else who had to log on to my "confidant's" computer to get a file and had MSN log in automatically while printing?"
If you can answer yes to any of these scenarios then you are definitely a douche bag. And you cannot, or will not, ever accept the responsibility of your own actions.
I like my job (hint hint- I work where all this took place) and unlike a couple of the people listed above, I was pretty happy to retain my employment, thank you very much. And even though my duties have changed from what I was doing, and even though I really enjoyed what I did before, that position isn't available right now. I am just damn happy I can still pay my bills and will, quite frankly, do pretty much whatever they need me to do.
But a couple people have to blame other people for the consequences for their own actions. Taking it so far as to blog about it and to post comments on websites dedicated to publicising bullshit.
In the end, it has been my experience that most people complain about shit like this because they didn't get their way. They had to pay the piper and face the music. Dumb asses.
Please people, if you recognize bits of yourself in the questions posed above, get help. Seek counseling, or better yet, play in traffic.
disclaimer: The preceding are my own damn opinions. They do not reflect or represent the opinions of Omni Business Solutions or their subsidiaries. And though I like my job, I am not prone to "singing the party line". Nor do I bring all this up to blow sunshine up my boss's ass. I doubt highly that he has ever even seen my blog. However, I say now, that IF I wind up getting terminated over something I have said here. I take the responsibility for it. But I just get irritated by douche bags who think the whole world owes them a living and mistake being a pretentious ass for being deep.
"ST. GEORGE - Two people died in a small plane crash at about 4 a.m. Saturday in the northeast corner of Washington County, said Stephanie Hayden, public information specialist for the Washington County Sheriff's Office.
The crash ignited a small brush fire, according to a press release.
The aircraft landed in a remote area.
No structures were threatened or damaged by the fire.
The Color Country Fire agency was sent to the scene to extinguish the fire, according to the press release.
The Washington County Sher-iff's Office Search and Rescue team arrived on scene at 11 a.m. after the Civil Air Patrol notified the agency of the crash.
The brush fire slowed search and rescue efforts, Hayden said.
The plane crashed one mile from the Kane County line and three miles from the Iron County line, according to the press release.
The Washington County Sher-iff's Office planned to notify the victims' families of the crash by early today, Hayden said.
A full report with more information about the crash may not be available to the public before Monday, Hayden said."
SERIOUSLY?
WTF is this shit?
Now I do have a minor in creative writing but I will admit that I am by no means a journalist or accomplished writer (I have been published but unless you like hot-guy on guy action I wouldn't recommend reading it- hey, what can I say, I was young and needed the money) but I have taken the liberty of editing this piece of crap passed off as journalism and the reporting of a tragic event. I have not added anything substantial but I have removed a whole lot of repetition and made it, IMHO much easier and more interesting to read. and now for your consideration:
"ST. GEORGE - Two people died in a small plane crash at about 4 a.m. Saturday in the northeast corner of Washington County, said Stephanie Hayden, public information specialist for the Washington County Sheriff's Office.
According to the press release, the crash was in a remote area,one mile from the Kane County line and three miles from the Iron County line. The Washington County Sheriff's Office Search and Rescue team arrived on scene at 11 a.m. after the Civil Air Patrol notified the agency of the crash.
The crash ignited a small brush fire,and though no structures were threatened or damaged by the fire it did slow search and rescue efforts and the Color Country Fire agency was sent to the scene to extinguish the fire, according to the press release.
The Washington County Sheriff's Office planned to notify the victims' families of the crash by early today, though a full report with more information about the crash may not be available to the public before Monday, Hayden said."
There you have it. My version of how it should have been printed.
I wouldn't bother wasting my time on such a pursuit if it wasn't for the fact that this "newspaper" didn't suck so damn bad. This is not the first article written in such a fragmentary way. I found 3 others in this edition alone. Just lame.
Oh well, what can ya do?
I guess they could have just written, "plane crashed, in rural bumblefuck Utah, totally sucked, fire started and put out, eventually we might know the whole story but first we gotta break this tragic news to the fam. peace out bitches."
But even that is more concise than what they did write.
asses.
Just a note, love my roommate, Jared, (by-the-by, he also has a fab blog and it can be found here) but not THAT way. Sure, he's a sexy bitch, who can deny that? But why do people always assume that two gay guys hanging out HAVE to be dating? We both have better taste than to date one another. ;o) You rock Jared. And I'm sorry, I know you "wanna get with this" but I have to tell you NO! I just can't, I'm sorry. Yes, I know you're devastated but you must move on. No, no tears. Oh wait, there are no tears. What's that about? God, have you no feelings? You fuckin robot! 'sniff' I just don't know you anymore.
seriously, Jared be the best, as are all me friends. But alas, I am alone and available. And Jared has placed limits on who I can bring home with me. Someone has to watch out for me. God knows what could happen.
Peace
So, I worked at Wally-land (yay me) and I still shop there. That's about the only place you can afford to shop when you work there, other than $ stores. :( Anyhoo, they have these lovely self-serve checkout lanes (from this point forward SC's). They are nice, I like them. If only I could use them. What the hell is it with people that insist upon checking themselves out when they have a cart full? These bad boys are designed to enable someone making very few purchases the ability to scan and run. Not for people with cart loads who either position one of their rugrats at the other end to bag. OR worse yet, run back and forth bagging and scanning. I use them only when I have maybe 5-10 items tops. People bitch and moan because the lines are too long and then they promptly head to the SC. They are not fast when you have that much shit. In fact they are a hell of a lot slower. Who do you think you are foolin? Especially if you have veggies and shit. Gotta look up each code and then when you do it wrong the assoc. has to come and clear the damn thing and then you gotta rescan it. You know what? The checkers are trained to do this shit. And some of them are damn fast! Most of these people can scan 200-300 items an hour. I once watched some woman check out 2 (!) carts! WTF! It took her almost 40 minutes. Meanwhile, the lines next to her probably checked out 10-20 people in that time. But no, she's gotta monopolize the SC and then bitch on her way out about how much time she wasted at W-M. Stupid Bitch. It wouldn't be so bad if this was just an isolated incident but no, it's not. Happens all the time. Add that to legal reasons to kill someone. "the bitch used the SC with a cartload."
This blog is only my opinion and is not to be construed as the official position of wal-stores inc. or any of it's affiliates.
Peace and Love