Noobies VÜ

Try as I might I just have a hard time getting past this damn revelation that a friend has no
respect for the sanctity of his relationship and has decided to cheat on the person he's with.
Even though I don't know all the particulars of what is going on it seems so shitty to do this.
Never mind that there are two sides to every story I just have a difficult time accepting it.
The gay community has been fighting to have the right to marry just like everyone else. It's
only right that they cheat just like the straight community does as well, I suppose.
Now studies have shown that 50-60% of men cheat on their spouse at one time or another. Of
course that would mean that in a gay relationship 100% of the philanderer's are men. duh
However, it is still just a downer to me, as a person who has not been fortunate enough to
enter into a long term relationship, that someone who is in one can shit on it so willingly.
As far as what that means to me, not a lot. I don't try to pass judgements but let's be honest
to be cheated on has to suck, and to have other people know about it when you don't has to
entirely suck in such a much more extreme way.
Don't cheat people, if you aren't that much into your partner, move on don't fuck around
on your partner and disrespect the relationship and what it stands for.
No one will ever take gay marriage seriously if we can't prove that it really is that precious. I
don't assume that all relationships are perfect, gay or other wise. But while we are under the
all powerful religious right's microscope of what is right and what is wrong biblically, we can't
very well expect to prove our point that love is love regardless of gender.
I hope that some day I will be fortunate enough to get into a relationship with that
one person who I will want to bind myself to for as long as we both shall live.
No matter what goes on with these two, I hope I can do that. I hope I have that chance.

WOW it has been ages since I last posted. I had started this blog with the intention of posting at least once a week. Epic fail that one.
So, a week ago I got a wild hair and decided to trouble shoot my non-functioning rear window wiper on my Wrangler. Apparently it's the motor itself and not something easy like a loose wire. sigh. So, for no real reason other than I was seized with a ridiculous sudden obsession to correct it, (never mind that it hasn't worked in at least 3 years) I removed the offending motor to see if I could verify it didn't work off the Jeep, since it would be easier to get at that way. I think that all men's ( and I'm sure some women's) epic failures start out with such a simple premise. "Oh, this will be easy peasy, no fuss no muss, just pull it off and see if I can fix it." This part to replace would be $70 including the core, but before I set myself to ordering the replacement I had to make sure the original was indeed broken.
So, after one threaded bushing removed and one hinge nut loosened, I pulled off the motor. That was easy. No problems, no stress. Then I decided I should probably tighten the hinge nut back up since I would be driving my Jeep to work the next day. Well, long story a little shorter, apparently the glass shifted and when I started to tighten the nut back down I heard a little pop. Not thinking about it much I threw a little spice behind the wrench to make sure it wouldn't come loose. (A little aside here, it is common knowledge that most men do not bother with being so accurate as to use just the right amount of torque to tighten bolts and nuts. We wrench on that sum bitch like we're using one of those passion testers at the fair. We are not gonna have people think we are pussies that only rate a "clammy hand-holder" we want "passionate love machine"!) So, away I go and all of a sudden POW shatterrrrrr! the window pretty much explodes in front of me. Being the manly fellow I am (no comments bitches) I cry out like a little girl. Literally. You try having a window shatter into thousand of pieces thisclose to your face and not cry out at least a little bit.
Turns out that the amount of torque necessary to tighten that nut is akin to the force it takes to turn a doorknob. This would not be much. oops. So now my $70 repair job just swelled to $300 and I still need the wiper motor. oops, I say again.
I learned two things doing this little job, well maybe 3 or 4 but mainly 2. 1- no matter how cheap I think something is going to cost to fix, if I can break it and make it cost on the order of 2 to 5 times more, I will. and 2- I scream like a little girl when things startle me; windows breaking in my face, my father jumping up in front of the living room window after making spooky sounds when I was home alone as a kid, hitting a deer that jumps off the mountain and lands right in front of my car, no lube. Bwahahahahaha that last one was just to see if you're paying attention. Really people, don't believe Brokeback Mountain, if you think you have enough you ALWAYS use more.
So that was my weekend and this was my post. Hopefully I will get more on the ball and post again soon. But then again, probably not.

So I tweeted about this fabulous shirt a while back, and my brother called me about it last night. Made me start to think, the Holodeck HAD to be for porn. I mean, really!
It almost goes without saying that the standard porn industry would fall but I am sure that they would just make like the Borg and adapt and just take it to the next step. But what about the toys? Who would want a vibrator or Fleshlight if they could just get it on with digital tramps?
The question there is, what happens with the... well... effluence?
Nothing is real in the Holodeck, it's all just light but you can interact with it (I won't go into all the physics of it, mostly because I don't understand it, but it's explained well elsewhere, if you're interested.) and apparently be hurt or possibly killed if the fail-safes, well, fail.

We know that they are used for some type of sexual activity given Quark's use of Holosuites on DS9. But it begs the question I previously asked.

I can imagine Picard and Riker having the following exchange after meeting up outside one of the holodecks...
Riker: "Captain, are you waiting on the Holodeck?"
"Yes, Number One, I am, but that damn Wesley is using it again."
"Again? He was just in there a few hours ago. Have you gone in and talked to him?"
"No, I haven't gone in there, do you see what program he's running? That, and it's locked as well."
"Oh, it's one of those programs... Ok, I guess I'll stop back by later."
"Oh, don't worry Riker, he's young shouldn't take but a minute or so, though he'll be back again in a couple of hours."
"Be glad it isn't Worf. Last time I went in there after Worf ran one of his programs I kept slipping on the floor. I don't know why it takes two men to impregnate a Klingon. It looked like someone shook a jug of yogurt all over the room."

Maybe it wouldn't go quite like that, but in my mind it does.

How would you react upon stepping into something like that? Is there some kind of etiquette that is exercised when one uses a holodeck for that type of thing. I mean, you walk in, slip on the floor, fall on your butt and you'd have to be like, "Oh, COME ON!" (literally bwahaha)

I imagine the little hispanic housekeeper from Family Guy cleaning up.
"Is the holodeck available?"
"No, no, eet's no ready, no. You come back later."
"How long..."
"No, eets no ready..."
"No, I was asking,.."
"No, no, eet's no ready. No, no."
Door closes and you stand there frustrated just knowing she's gonna be having a hologram couch and People magazine with a cigarette and ancient Geraldo re-runs.

My sister-in-law sent me an email today. This of itself is no surprise, she emails me most days; funny stuff, videos, Obama slamming (really, I am over it let's let it go ;o)), random images, things of that nature. But today was different. Today she sent a letter expressing her dismay over a certain "military discount" that many restaurants extend. I'll let her explain it here:

Salt Lake City has become the first city in Utah to afford rights and protections to Gays and Lesbians against discrimination by employers and property managers. In other words, a gay could not be fired simply because he is gay, nor can he be evicted for it.
But of course there are some lame ass naysayers who have twisted this into a foot in the door for gay marriage. How the hell does this go into gay marriage? Which of course begs the question of how my marrying some dude can possibly affect some breeder's marriage. Something tells me my fabulous brother and his marvelous wife would continue to be married and would not sense a tremor in the force were I to miraculously find some guy to take the vows with. No tremor beyond the idea that I actually had a date at some point anyway.
This does not keep the religious right from coming up with some cockamamy protest against this "attack" on marriage. Yet again. sigh. People are Stupid.
I have issues with the whole idea behind marriage being ordained of God in the first place. It is no wonder that I am not a religious person. With all the bullshit people claim in the name of God it's a miracle that anyone can do anything without burning in hell.
I started doing research into marriage to get a little fodder for the canon that is my blog and I got overloaded. (Did you know that up until the 60s blacks could not marry outside of their ethnic group and during slavery they could not marry at all?) There is so much information out there that directly contradicts this concept of religious (or at least Christian) ordination of marriage. The Egyptians married, Native Americans married, Greeks and Romans, Mesopotamians (the commonly held "cradle of life") married, and none of these groups were "christian".
Many of these groups also had no problem with same-sex marriage.
But these are Christians we are talking about (not ALL Christians mind you, I know many of you have no problem with this) and they are probably the same group that think the dinosaurs are a fallacy. They have no room for science; 20:20 vision down a 1/2" pipe.
So they hold fast to the idea that Marriage (with a capital M of course) is Sacred (same thing with the S, you can hear the capitals when they say it). But never mind the whole argument about how Brittany Spears' 50 hours of wedded bliss (as well as the nightmare year she was with Kfed) did more damage to the Sacred Marriage then gays ever could. Let's look at a few others, shall we.
A Polish couple who had their nuptials annulled after 3 hours.
Scott Peterson, his marriage was so Sacred he killed his wife.
Phil Hartman and Brynn Omdahl, she killed him; their marriage was so precious.
Glynn Wolfe aka Scotty Wolfe, marriage was so sacred to him he only married 29 times.
One was for 19 days, the longest for *gasp* 7 (!) years.
Elizabeth Taylor, 8 marriages, 7 husbands. hmmm. But she was a piker compared to...
Linda Lou Wolfe (recognize the last name?) she was married to the guy above as well as 22 other guys. The longest was 7 years as well (is this a pattern?) the shortest, 19 hours. Why so many? She gets, "Lonely"
With just a short trip to our local arrest bookings website I could find husbands and wives arrested for domestic violence. I'm sure a few a day, and those're the ones where an arrest was made because someone actually reported it.
So all those right-wing, Marriage is Sacred, dumb asses should shut the fuck up.
There is no way a couple of fags could possibly taint the "sanctity" of marriage any more than a handful of rednecks could (and do) on a daily basis.
Learn to cope. Some day we will be able to marry, and what a wonderful day it will be, when two loving people regardless of race, creed, or sex can be together in matrimony, legally.
Until then, we will be happy that someone cannot arbitrarily fire us or evict us simply because they don't like "the gays". At least in Salt Lake City. (for now)

Swine flu has come to southern Utah. Yee haw.
I don't typically get the flu, I did the math and the last time I recall getting it was oh, sometime in the early 90s. That doesn't mean that was the last time, just the last time I can recall.
Both main bosses at work have apparently had it, a couple people from the office are out, not sure if they have it or not.
We've been informed that the bug is so new that insurance groups aren't prepared to pay for the test for it and it runs around $300 and if you take it, you are required by the CDC to start treatment before the results even come back 6 weeks later. So, many area hospitals are just having people skip the test and just take the prescription.
It really kills me that with a virtual pandemic on our hands (is it virtual if it has already been declared a pandemic?), and the cost of tests running a few hundred dollars a pop, as well as the cost for prescriptions, and with the uninsured in this country topping 47 MILLION (that's 20% of the population, myself included) that so many people (probably insured) are contesting the idea of nationalized health care under the guise of *gasp* communism/socialism. WTF man?
If ever there was a need for socialized medicine now is the time. I don't think I speak for just myself when I think that many of us uninsured, especially in this economy, can afford to go to a doctor or take the time off from work if we come down with this thing. I think it is very possible we will see the death toll rise due to this illness mainly because so many of us can't afford to treat it.
I am not really in a high-risk category, I do not have children, nor have many friends who do, (yay gays!) and I am somewhat isolated here at work with only a few people in the same office of which only 1 has children. But I am not immune to the flu by any means. And, let's face it, it only takes one. You go to the mall, or the gym, or a restaurant, or shopping, and you are surrounded by people and children who are at risk, and may even already have it, and of course they spread that around.
People, if you or your kid is sick, don't be parading around town. This could be a serious problem, and though I am all for a bit of "thinning of the herd", this thing could reach some epic numbers. It could probably be knocked down if people just followed the precautions set forth by the CDC and kept them and their kids home if they come down with it.
But, that's not how our society runs. People are always out for themselves, and if it inconveniences them, or somehow affects their quality of life, or challenges the sanctity of marriage (had to put that in there), then, by all means, smash it down and destroy it. WE don't want socialized medicine because we'll become communists, or socialist, (boo Obama, you commie! You've destroyed America single handedly in less than 6 months- so say the emails I keep getting from family members) we won't let you socialize medicine!
God knows our government, especially one run by an apparent commie who has destroyed the country, mangled people's names, uses a *gasp* teleprompter, doubled the national debt (he of course caused all the problems the previous years that caused the need for a bailout), and wants to make all the people making over 250k (i know no one, who makes that personally- but with the amount of bitching I hear you'd think all the republicans close to me do) pay more in taxes, is incapable of running health care. reminds me of this lovely blog I read a while back. You have to laugh a little.

Hello all, (2 or 3 of you)
No, the title isn't an allusion to the Nickleback song, though it is one of the few of theirs that I tolerate. It's just been a looooonnnnngggg time since I last posted. Shame me, Shame! No biscuit.
As you all know (again, all 2 or 3 of you) I live in southern Utah and it has become overrun this past week with the q-tips and walker hobblers that descend on St. George for the Huntsman Senior Games. I am all for old people getting out and running and jumping and having a grand time competing with one another. I am curious as to what the events are though. Getting out of bed? Making it down a flight of stairs without a broken hip? Making it to Vegas without stopping at every available toilet or soiling their granny pampers? Those are all very exciting and, I'm sure, have caused more than their share of nail-biting moments. But, I have to admit to being a bit inured to the whole thing when I find myself competing with these same competitors on the roadway. And, let's face it here, these people are not here competing in any kind of driving events. Unless said event happened to be tying up traffic for hours as they make their slow plodding way from venue to venue in their Cadillac Land Yacht. Imagine 7000 of these people storming your city at 23 mph. It's not very pleasant. I'm sure all these grannys and grampys are wonderful people, but they should have drivers provided for them. I cringe every time I pass a car and all I see are two hands on the steering wheel at 11 and 1 and the top of a puff of cotton candy hair, like a geriatric version of Kilroy. (Google that if you aren't familiar with the term). The sudden influx of Metamucil guzzlers just exacerbates an issue we already have here in southern Utah: shitty drivers.
Now, I've already ranted about them previously but, this is a whole new rant.
Here at my job just off of Bluff I have noticed a large increase of traffic lately and (well I've noticed it all over actually) I've noticed that no one in this town seems to know how to merge left so that incoming drivers can enter the roadway. What is it with people that they will travel in the right hand lane for miles with no intention of turning right? They don't turn in the immediate future nor, oftentimes, in the far future. Many of these people actually hang a left onto Sunset 4 miles down the road. I don't understand this mentality. As soon as I get onto a road, unless I'm turning right soon, I merge left. For 2 reasons: people enter the roadway more on the right and 2, exit more on the right. I don't like having to speed up and slow down constantly as people enter and exit. We have turn lanes here in Utah for people turning left (a source of constant amusement and irritation when getting stuck behind some yahoo who doesn't understand the concept of GETTING IN THE DAMN TURN LANE!) so people don't impede traffic when turning. But not so, for people turning right, for the most part.
It gets really frustrating when you sit at a road wanting to turn onto your next chosen road to see 90% of the traffic in the outside lane while the inside lane is almost completely clear.
Wake up people, this isn't rocket science. You too have sat waiting to merge, frustrated at the amount of traffic, yet you can't think enough to do something to alleviate the situation when you are on the other side?
I just don't get people.

So I find myself wanting to write Something, Anything, just to write it, but I am at a loss. I have even gone on blogs that I hate in the hopes that some ass-hat will rile me up enough to write about it. Well I succeeded in the first part but not the second. I realized that for most to understand what I was railing against I would have to provide a link to the offending site thereby improving their traffic and giving them more readers than they deserve. ain't gonna do it.
So now I sit here wishing I had something really witty to say and share that would give people a chuckle or at least a couple minutes of distraction at work. Epic fail thus far. Sorry.

I do have one thing that is sticking in my craw this otherwise fine day. I don't usually like to go too personal in my blog, I don't know how much I want to put out there at this time. But this is really irking me.

My mother and I have been having some difficulties for the last year or so. Normally I would say it was nothing big, because it really isn't or at least shouldn't be. But unfortunately it has been escalated to epic scales. To the point in fact that my mother never calls me, though she gets offended that I don't call her often enough. She claims nothing is wrong but apparently it is. Case in point: she moved 300 miles away. She didn't tell me. She told my brother, but left me in the dark. I am happy she did because she is closer to the docs and other family. But therein lies the rub. All of our issues are directly related to our relatives, my cousin who lives with her specifically. I will not go into the details of it. Those of you who know me know the story and I don't need to go over it again. Those of you who don't, well I just don't want to dredge it up here. Suffice it to say things happened and instead of owning and accepting it they elected to blame me and go so far as to say I set the whole thing up. whatever.

So anyhoo, this brings us to today. My cousin is so bitter over everything that instead of informing me that my mother is in the hospital (something she did immediately the last time it happened a couple of years ago) she just called my sister-in-law who kindly called and notified me. My brother even asked her, "have you let Mike know?"
Her reply, "oh I couldn't the doctor came in and I had to shut off my phone."
"How about you give him a call now and let him know everything is ok?"
"Oh I can't she's mad that i told you guys and I have to go in and talk to the doctors about what they are going to do."

What. the. fuck.

What happens if she kicks it? My cousin knows exactly how it feels to not be told that her mother died because it happened to her. No one told her until AFTER the funeral. What does that mean? What caused her siblings to leave her in the dark?
I know why she is pissed at me and it's her own issue. But for her to be so petty and not let me know that something is wrong with my own mother is fucked up in the extreme. Bullshit reasons are bullshit reasons.

Will my mother call me today when she gets home (if she gets home today)? My guess is probably not. I do hope I am wrong though. I have always been the type to forgive and forget but this is so untenable that I don't know what I am going to do at this point. In all likelihood there isn't a damn thing I can do. When I do talk to her it's like conversing with a politician. When we talk all is well, she is fine she misses me. She goes as far as she can without actually engaging. She never invites me up to see her nor does she really say anything substantial. Something tells me that when I am off the phone she forgets all about the conversation and resumes dogging me with my cousin.

It's wonderful what can I say? Oh I know,

to my cousin: I hope you die in a flaming shit-storm

to my mom: I love you and I hope you'll be okay, I'm not ready for goodbye.

How fabulous is it when you hear from someone you haven't heard from in ages? Pretty damn fab, especially if they be funny bitches!
How glorious to chat back and forth and reminisce about parties and drunken messes we have been at them. Hootie hoo!
I get a Live window poppin up and there is a friend I haven't seen in a while. It was like normal just the chat back and forth and then it got quite interesting when he turned on his video chat. Now, I don't know about some of you peeps, but this homo here does not do the small screen. You can only appreciate all of this when you view it in a darkened room on a BIG ASS screen. okay who we kidding, more like just the darkened room. But he loves the video chat, which he should cuz well, he looks good. ass. Hate him with me for a moment... okay that's enough.
So he throws on this damn camera and thankfully I do not have one on my desktop, so I didn't feel pressured to reciprocate. whew. And it was so funny talking with him because he would talk and I'd hear him through my speakers and see him on my screen but then I could only reply through typing. It was like he had to communicate with me with the a relay service for the deaf.
I knew a kid in Vegas who was deaf, superior kid, but I had to do the whole relay thing with him on the phone. That be some trippy shit. If you haven't done it- you have to tell the operator when you are finished and that's hard to remember to do. And if you've ever talked to my happy ass I pretty much never shut the fuck up. Well, anyhoo I digress. Back to video chat.
So he is chatting verbally and I am writing, so he is sitting there looking at the screen waiting for my reply. It was somewhat awkward but still fabulous since I hadn't heard from him in sooo long.
Then I decided to turn on my laptop and well, of course I had to return in kind with my webcam. I am sorry, no one should have to look at this and it was so awkward to see myself on this little screen. Fortunately or unfortunately, depends on your viewpoint, my microphone sounded jacked and it wasn't very cool on his end. (I also tried to blame my appearance on a bad camera, but since he has seen me before I don't know how effective that was. sigh.)
So I am chatting he is hearing me (sorta) and seeing me (sorry) and all is well but he and his boyfriend (yes it is true, I understand he is a gay- hide your kids) and they both start laughing at me cuz I lean towards the screen when I talk. I've decided I would so be a microphone grabber if I was ever on tv. what a downer.
Then they laughed cuz I am so addicted to watching the Little League World Series. You know it's a shame that I can't even mention that shit without someone assuming it is sexual.(which they didn't necessarily-it just seems to be a common reaction and I'm kinda venting now) gah! I'm gay not a pedo, but it is twisted that other gays (who I am sure are not pedos) automatically go that way. Do I give off a pedo vibe? Do I have a pedo smile, or 'stache? god it's horrible. they are chilluns ain't nothin there I want. the end. (mostly I think it is just common for people to give other people shit and let's face it, this is an easy one) But I can't help but watch cuz they are adorable when they play and you can't help but feel for them when they lose and cry and kick and scream. (ok, it's true I do like to see children cry- their tears sustain me- but oddly enough, I actually prefer it when these little guys are happy) Seeing their elation and jubilation is kind of heart-warming. or maybe I am lame. who cares.
I am sad now however, because Warner-Robins was in the semi-finals but they will not make it to the finals. They were defeated by the punks kids from Chula Vista.
So actually, there are a couple of degrees of separation here, my brother and I grew up for a few years in Chula Vista AND my brother and his family now live in Warner-Robins. How cool is that? I could actually have rooted for either team but for some reason I am not diggin the kids so much from CV, so I was rooting for WR. (They won the first year I watched as well) But alas... they were not successful, so now I shall switch allegiances to Texas, regardless of where I spent my first 4 years of school.
So that was my evening. working, chatting, video, and LLWS. My life could be much better but sometimes it's pretty much okay. Hands down the best part... reconnecting with two groovy fellows I've not seen or talked to in ages!
HI BOYS!

So here be Jared's Hawt new car. and I'll be damned if that little squirrel didn't photobomb me again!
but it does give you an idea as to how small this little car is. I think Jared actually pulls it back to wind it up and then jumps inside.
He doesn't tell you this, but he has to have the sunroof just so he can sit upright in it.

HAHA my nephs got squirrelized when they be peein!

This might be bad, but damn it is funny and brilliant. Go latino Comedy Project!

I was going to take the time to write out a fully detailed review of this movie, then I realized that I wasted enough time on it by seeing it. So, my review then is this: this movie sucked ass. I cannot begin to really explain the amount of ass sucking this movie did. Take that fat chick that they have the reality show about, Pearl, or something like that... RUBY that's it! Anyhoo, pucker up and plant your lips on her copious booty and start sucking and you might just get a 10th of how much ass this movie sucked. The good news, if you are an adolescent straight boy (on the low intelligence and high testosterone of about 13) you will love this flick. Those of us adult enough to see the ridiculousness of a woman in the "military" with her tits hanging out, her hair freshly coiffed and hanging full length, and running in, what I can only assume are, "combat heels" (and that's just ONE of the ludicrous bits- and chicks- in this flick) can't help but get annoyed by the audacity and idiocy that this movie represents. No wonder they didn't let the critics see it first.

So thank you miss Heidi for turning me on to this vid. This thing is a riot people and though it is long, it is pretty entertaining, especially if you remember it from when it came out.
Video directors often seem to take quite a few liberties when it comes to bringing an artist or band's song to tv. How many videos have you seen that have absolutely nothing to do with the storyline of the song and instead create their own.
A few enterprising people on Youtube have answered the call and have created literal translations to some of these videos. I think this one is one of the best. Give it a go, I think you might just like it. ;o)

So, I was feeling pretty good about me li'l Noobs after I mangled my lift kit onto it but then I saw this monstrosity in my work parking lot. Holy Christsicles!



I call it a monstrosity, but I really mean totally hot! I know, I know, I have always maintained that for every inch of lift someone is compensating for a short coming. I've even gone so far as to state that it is every guys' goal to hit the equivalent of 10" of... well, manhood. And don't none of you smart ass bastards try to do the math on my lift and possible shortcomings! Cheeky buggers. (I only lifted 2" yeah, that's it, 2").

Anyhoo, so my noobs was feeling all good about himself and (me by extension) then I lay me peepers on this bad boy and I felt like the smallest one in the locker room... mmm... locker rooms...

Where was I, oh yes, so pretty bitchin truck and very well done. But where the hell do these people get their money? You've seen my lovely list o' parts and work I did on mine and work that still needs to be done. If I am looking at 4K by the time I am done, what the hell is under that truck.

Beyond all that, I keep trying to watch for the dude that owns it so I can see him get in it. I am 6'3" and I think I would have a hard time just reaching the damn door handle. Please oh please Lord, let me witness this...

So after mucho consideration and tonz o' comments about how pale I am (imagine the lead character in Powder and then make him pale- I prefer the term "corpse chic") I decided to take a proactive step in getting a little sun. unfortunately I didn't think about how hot it is here and how quickly I would burn. Sigh. I don't have a before or after, but here's how I looked during...



I think when I heal back up I'll just keep on keepin on with either the Casper glow or maybe try for a sunkist kiss of lé "spray-on-tan".
We shall see.

Tragically I am still fighting with the lift on my jeep. sniff
I get irritated when I purchase something and I am told that "everything you need is in that kit" only to find out that, the hell it is.
Do I dare tally this shit all up?
$1300 for the lift-- this was not the cheapest lift but far from the most expensive. Remember too, this was "Everything I need"
So now onto what else I apparently have to get to make the kit that had "everything I need" work so that my Jeep doesn't vibrate or try to toss me out of it when it hits a bump.
Adjustable front track bar $250
Adjustable rear track bar $200
Drop pitman arm $70-80
Drag link (maybe) $200
Slip Yoke Eliminator and CV drive shaft with installation $1100
Adjustable upper rear control arms to go with SYE $250
Hat to cover the bald spots on my head from me pulling out my hair $25
Seriously, had I known I would have had to go through all this... I likely would still have done it, but I would really have thought about it more! And been less surprised.
For those of you who think I didn't research this shit before jumping in, kiss my ass, you know who you are. I am one of those that goes over decisions like this for weeks if not months. I have been contemplating lifting my jeep ever since I got it and have been looking at what it takes to do it. I have visited forums and blogs and websites dedicated to it, I talked to the guy I ordered from multiple times, I was assured that this kit would do it. I can't blame him too much though. I noticed in the catalog (I ordered online and on the phone) that there are the lovely superscript numbers and of course they tell me that I "might" need the other stuff I am now getting. Sad for me, the site didn't include the same notes. My fault, I own it.
Beyond random issues people have this looked pretty straight forward. But of course, as usual, I had to get the one that wanted to be a pain in the ass. Damn Prima Donna. lol still loves me jeep though.
So a $1300 lift is going to cost much closer to $4000. Oh well, not much I can do about it now. I can keep it like it is and drive an unsafe jeep or fix it. Guess I'll fix it.

Maybe next time I'll just do it this way

You know it's true, sometimes at work you just need a little levity. Found this little gem through WWdN (Wil Wheaton in Exile). This is just such good stuff. I really like the Redrum Cat the best, though the one below it is pretty outstanding as well. And it is possible that the lower one will induce the most tears from laughter, but it's less the cat and more the dog on that one.

So my good friend Jason (whom you've seen me mention before in this fancy thing I call a blog) works for a major rental company, I won't type their name but it rhymes with Shertz, and I sometimes tag along when he has to swap out cars. Let me tell you pretties, people are pigs.
WHAT THE F**K is it with people that they think that since they don't own something they don't have to take care of it?
This I see is true in many arenas of public consumption. Those of you familiar with my blog might have read my posting on guys who leave poop behind in public toilets so that everyone can bask in the glow of their rectal effluence. I am of a mind that people who rent cars and hotels rooms and trash them are the very same people who smear things on bathroom walls and leave "presents" behind. Mens and Womens.
But really, I went with Jason and we got in one minivan that needed a little work done on it and went down to Vegas to trade it for another one. Well the first MV was bad enough. It smelled funky and there was food stashed around in it. when I say funky, I mean like spoiled milk. I don't know if Mommy Minivan was nursing or what but, danggg. So we suffered through that little trip. I will admit I complained the whole way down. I am just completely baffled by how people can be so slovenly and lazy.
I worked as a maid a couple of summers and (yes, it's true and as gay as it might be, I was a fast ho-mo-fo when it came to making beds: less than a 2 minutes bitches! hootie hoo) the worst rooms were not the ones that a bunch of teeneagers threw a raging party in (okay they were but it was close) it was mostly families that made the biggest messes. This is not to say ALL families are like that. This is not a, families make messes therefore all messes are made by families, sense of logic. I can understand that mom has to pick up after the kids 24/7 at home and they deserve a break too. But that doesn't give a person carte blanche to be a pig.
So back to the MV. I thought the first one was bad, it was nothing compared to the second. The only saving grace from the second was that it didn't smell as funky. This is from their website; in a Toyota Sienna there are a total of 14 drink holders: 10 labled as Cup Holders 4 labled as Bottle Holders Every time I am in a minivan with that many holders I am astounded that they would ever be a need for all of them. Guess what, this mini-van filled all of them and then some. We cleaned out the MV before we left because we couldn't even get in! There were 3 on the floor in front of the front passenger seat alone. When we cleaned it out we counted 27 bottles and to-go cups. 27! We then found 3 more when we were folding down the seats!
There were bags full of food; chips, cereal, granola bars. Old take-out containers with goo running out of the sides and just random gross crap. Foot prints up on the passenger side of the dashboard , the type that doesn't just leave footprints but scuffs and tears in the covering that doesn't buff out. (this is a pet peeve of mine- seriously, someone explain this to me. Is this a hold over of having their feet up in stirrups for gyno exams and child birth that women feel this need to put their feet up on the dash board of any car they get into? I'm not trying to be misogynistic but in my experience it has always been someone of the female persuasion that does this. Ask around, it doesn't take but a toe to hit my dash before I am pulling out my keister stashed shiv and shanking a chick if she tries to put her feet on my dash.)
I was informed by jason that this is a common sight. I just don't get it. Maybe I am paranoid, but I always clean the hotel room before I leave, yes I make the bed, and I always clean out cars I rent as well. I guess it's because I always assumed that somewhere someone was standing with a clipboard and clucking and tutting over every little bit of dirt or scuff I left behind.
Perhaps it was all for naught and I could have just tore some shit up with equanimity.
I don't know that I will ever shake this feeling that the same people that trash hotel rooms and rental cars share DNA with poop leavers and people who scream and carry on in Wal-Mart at the service desk when they return an item they bought at Stein-Mart. Flush it, clean it, take it back where you got it, this world is not just yours to treat as a cesspool of your disregard.
Show some respect. You might be surprised to see it returned. But I know that those of you that do this will likely never read this blog and if you do you will either assume I am talking about "other people" or you simply won't give a shit.

Thanks so much for reminding us of this marvelous actor's birthday. Patrick Stewart is fabulous and nothing makes me laugh more than when he says inappropriate things on Family Guy!

I found this mash-up on WWdN- (Wil Wheaten in Exile- pronounce haWill haWeat-in)

Well it's done. Mostly.
I'll tell ya, that was not the easiest bit of wrenching I've ever done. More than once I had to lift myself off of the floor and go chase after a wrench I threw out of frustration. Can I say with any confidence that I'll never attempt such a job again? No. In the end it was sort of fun, if exasperating, but I always like be able to say, "I did it myself." Oh and I'm cheap- saved
$400 I did. So far anyway, as long as nothing has to be fixed cuz I screwed it up. lol.
I think that Jared, as much as he acts like he supports me, kept waiting, maybe hoping, to see my Jeep fall on me. That bastard is always trying to knock me off, for one he could have the house to himself and secondly, he's just trying to get himself higher on the Q-list. Yes, it is true I am higher up, but he just needs to learn to cope. Let's face it though, it gives everyone a little giggle to watch someone fail. (hence all the websites dedicated to it) Especially if it's on an epic scale. And having one's chest crushed by a disc brake can be counted as epic I think.
Fortunately, I have avoided the ignominy of having my Jeep destroy me. yay.
Mucho thanks to Jason for all his help. Total lifesaver that one is.
After getting the lift and tires on we went for a spin and promptly turned right back around after experiencing the "death wobble". That's some scary stuff kiddies!
Dropped it off at Big-O on Tuesday and all seems well though I do have somewhat of a slight vibration going. Trying to sort that one out now.
All in all I am quite happy with the experience and the outcome. Let me know what you all think.

Before

After: note the top of the garage

Sorry about the lighting I will get a better picture later. Now he needs a paint job!

Tonight's the night kiddies!
I's gonna be jacking Noobs up and ripping off old parts and affixing new ones!
Noobie's been feeling self-conscious about his lack of height, so at great expense I have got him a set of lifts that I'll be stuffing in his shoes this weekend. Then he'll be able to prance around and strut with the big boys. Well, maybe not the BIG boys (some of the guys in this town have lifted their Jeeps and trucks to a ridiculous height-- what good is a garage if you tear the roof off your pickup the first time you pull in?) but some of the smaller big ones anyway.
I am a little leery about doing the actual wrenching but I never shy away from a challenge.
So in a bit over 10 hours I'll be putting him on some jackstands and crawling under him. Hopefully 15 minutes later he won't slip off and crush me beneath him like a bug. Cuz that would kinda suck.

So last night after getting in from Vegas and getting my fabu parts I couldn't wait and decided to install my Edge Trail-Jammer.
I had a moment of concern on the way home after climbing into the back of the mini-van over my tires because I couldn't wait and wanted to at least look at my goodies- with Jason being ever so helpful weaving back and forth to make my already precarious trek even more so- I grabbed a couple boxes and made my way back and noticed one said something about being compatible with 2003-2004 models. I have a 1998. I called 4WD Hardware and spoke with Dan who felt it was all good; the part numbers were right etc.
I got home and pulled off my throttle body and intake and slapped the new one on. Went for a spin, AWESOME! A little noisy perhaps, it really sucks the air in now, and you can definitely feel a power improvement.
Went to put the power module on and guess what, yes, wrong part; the harness wouldn't match. GAH! That would be the difference between the 97-02 and the 03-04. So I will have to wait to see what that part of the kit does for me. Oh well. I'll have to call Dan again in the morning. At least I can still drive it.

edit. talked to Dan. no worries as soon as I can get to Vegas again he can just swap me out. whew. I thought I'd have to take the whole thing off again.

So my good buddy Jason and I made a trip to Las Vegas today to go and pick up my parts for Noobie. Have I mentioned how excited I am about lifting him? hootie hoo!
So, anyhoo, Jason is a lifesaver as that I had originally hoped to get these parts a couple weeks ago with my other good friend Carie. I decided to order from 4WD Hardware and just pick it them up in Vegas instead of shipping them to my house. Sure they had free ground shipping (that always seems to take the same amount of time that it would if I walked to their warehouse in L.A.) but there was also an extra fee of $25 just because me stuff was good sized. So I figured why, I will save money by going down with Carie, who was going down anyway and she had a pickup, but alas, that was not meant to be since they didn't have the parts in the local warehouse. I went down with Carie still to visit friends but returned empty handed. sad.
There went my money and time saving strategy. But friend Jason came to the rescue! His job has him driving to Vegas almost every day so I hitched a ride and off we went.
All went well until we were headed to the store.
"It's on Durango, we can just leap off the 215 and it's a few blocks away."
After leaping off and driving much more than a few blocks I started to get concerned.
"I swear to god we should have seen it by now."
"Are you sure we're on the right road?"
How dare he question me?! of course we we're. I glanced at the address, 4740. I look at the road sign at the intersection of Durango and Flamingo, 4100.
"it's just up another couple of blocks. There's a Home Depot on the right and it is right past it."
Drive, Drive, Drive. No Home Depot. WTF?
I look at the next intersection 2100. 2100! Oh shit we missed it!
"Uh Jason, I don't know how I missed it but we passed it."
"Seriously?"
"yeah, sorry man."
Turned around and headed back. Again he has the nerve to ask me, "is this the right road?"
"Yes." I say calmly through gritted teeth. Jesus how can he doubt me like that? I have been reading for a long time now. sheesh.
Went through Flamingo then Tropicana, WTF now we're past where it should have been!
I look at the paper, "Seriously, what the hell, it's right here 4740 s Duran-catur, uhm, yah, Decatur." Son. of. a. bitch.
"What'd you say? Did I just hear Durangatur?"
"Maybe, Shut up!"
Yes, children, I took him down the wrong street. Curses! I hate being wrong. Fortunately Jason is the forgiving type and he only mentioned oh, all the way home.
"I can't believe we spent 20 minutes on the wrong road.
"Wow, up and down the wrong road--'it's on Durango I know it.
"Damn we could have been stuck in traffic heading home 40 minutes ago if we had been on the right road.
"Dang I can't stop eating these Durango chips!"
"Shut up man that doesn't even make sense!"

So after all that, we got to 4WD Hardware- just past Home Depot, at least I had that part right, and picked up my parts. Wheels are sooo nice. But guess what, missing shocks. GAH. But the guy promises to have them shipped to me by Friday. We shall see.
So for the next 2 days I will be wanting to put them on and can't cuz I will be working. Oh well.

In concert with the fabulous Spin Off, I am continuing on in the vein of educating people to the wiles of the notorious douche bag. Whilst he focused on the most apparent and obvious of the breed, the Peacock of Douche-baggery, I have elected to turn my gaze to the Dodo-style.
This ever elusive member of the douche bag world is subtle and cunning and often only exposes itself during moments of duress or assumed immunity to censure.
Unlike the prideful douche bag that frequents gyms, clubs, restaurants and Wal-mart, and likes to boast of its status with the aforementioned items of accoutrement described on Spin Off, the Dodo douche bag blends into the scenery and utilizes the surprise attack. It sneaks its douche-baggery into conversations and work place meetings like the bird that it derives its name from, sneaks eggs into nests.
We all know someone that we think is a stealth douche bag. If we think it, it is likely so. There is no cure for the Dodo douche bag any more than there is one for the Peacock douche bag, but since they are so insidious in nature they are much more dangerous to your livelihood and business and often financial success.
Keep your eyes open and watch out. They like to sneak up on you and strike when you least expect. Sometimes you can notice their presence by the tell-tale stench of vinegar, as if they've spilled summer's eve on their clothes, but don't rely on that.
Another thing to keep in mind is that they are not limited to males and sometimes the female of the species is even more dangerous.
So be careful kiddies. That pat on your back may not be in support but more as a search for a soft spot to shove the knife in.

Today, after much consternation on my part, I have decided to yield to these philistines that keep commenting that my beloved Flame Gauge cluster is passé and ugly and "mexicanish".
In fact, a wonderful friend of mine has decided to hold an intervention on my part to save me from myself and help bring me "back to the world of taste..."

This from the owner of a wood paneled man-cave and an elks lodge ceiling fan. Lecture me on taste will you! Oh and painting over the wood doesn't negate the fact that it IS wood btw.
She doesn't even have rain gutters for god's sake, AND she spills tea on her white shirt like she is a 3-year old.

Also it is interesting to note, the "po-po" are on a first name basis with her and, I am pretty sure, even know where she lives.

Oh and the other guy? Don't get me started! no really, don't. psh red led dash lights. what's next, pretend bullet holes?

But after this diatribe I must admit that they believe they have my best interests at heart, and they may have somewhat of a point. Perhaps it was a cosmic intercession that kept me from being able to purchase all that hotness. Maybe I shouldn't get them and perhaps this will give me time to rethink my love of them. They do seem like something that would be spiffy one day and hideous the next. Maybe instead of being incensed at my thoughtful and caring friends I should thank them for saving me from myself.

Or just shank them with my keister stashed shiv. hmm I like that idea better.

Roaming around I found this snazzy bit of hotness!
I have wanted to go with white gauges for a little while but I wasn't sure about it.
Then I found these this morning and they just called out to me, "buy me Mike, buy me..."
Who am I to deny the call of something that so clearly needs me.
I know, they won't really match my Noobs but I think we can pull them off.
We shall see, it's not like I can't rip em back out if they look totally lame.


Edit: Bloody hell. I just tried to order the above and while going through the order it got pissy about my paypal so I had to log into them to correct it. when I jumped back to jwg, their site had changed and now says they won't be taking any other orders until July 31st! seriously, it was less than 5 minutes! WTF

So I was perusing my order through 4WD Hardware to see if my stuff was anywhere near to arriving. Well no. And that's what I was afraid of. BUT Silver lining!
I happened to notice that I had inadvertantly clicked on the wrong part for my intake. It was for a 2005! NOOOOO!
I called and asked to see if there was a difference. "You bet", I was told. AUUGGHHHH!
Well, the guy I talked to (I shall call him Adam, since he told me to) fixed it up for me and corrected my boo boo. He did say that I will have to wait another week for it to come in now. *sigh* but at least it will be the right one and I won't have to pay any fees to correct it. AND (here it comes) whilst chatting with him I mentioned my lamented wheels and having to wait well over a month if I was to order them (trying to make myself feel better about waiting another week for my other parts). He asked me which ones.
"sidebiter 15x8," I replied. (see image below)
*clickity clickity* went his keyboard keys
"I can have those in at the same time as your intake system." He said.
"WWHHHHHAAAAATT!?" I calmly asked. "I thought they were on back order."
"They were, just barely got some in to Denver and the guy who ordered them canceled his order."
"NO way!" says I.
"You want them?"
"Psh, no.
"I mean, HELL yes!"
*clickity clackity* "They'll be here the same time your intake will be."
And Voila, I now have my wheels coming in next week too! NEXT WEEK!
Thank you Adam you are a Prince among men! And I don't mean the guy who went by some unpronouncable symbol for a decade or so.
I have had an issue before with 4WD Hardware if I am to be honest, but I'll tell you this totally made up for it!

I was sort of bored and decided to play around with my photoshop and I decided to 'shop noobie with his new rims, "skin tone", and lift. He looks sorta hot!
I can't wait. I had hoped to make a mouse over image that allowed you to look at it for a longer time but blogger fought my code. I will have to toy with it again tomorrow.
So without further ado; take a peek at the possible future!

Black Clouds & Silver Linings

Is it sad that I am totally amped for the new DT album?
I hope not, and I don't think so. I am looking forward to some new tunes.
It dropped last night and I downloaded it before I went to bed, so today at work will be my first real opportunity to listen to it. It might be lame, but it makes me excited for work. lol
And yes Jared, only one of them is really under 8 minutes and two are over 15. But I likes it! If I'm gonna spend $10-16 bucks for an album I like to get my money's worth.
Well, I don't know if I like it yet. I think I will.
Stay tuned peeps; my full review is pending. Cuz I know you are all just dying to know. lol

Totally bummed.
I was hoping to get wheels for my jeep this coming weekend so that I could pimp it out when my lift is complete. But I was denied. It turns out that the wheels I selected are on back order!
Gah. So the questions become, order the wheels and wait for a month to get them and get my larger tires? Or should I get tires with the wheels I have now and then swap them when I get the new ones? Or, should I just find some different wheels?
I love the wheels I selected, they are a good price and very attractive. The other thing I worry about now is though I have never seen them on a vehicle, at least locally, does this back order thing mean an influx of people will start cropping up with the same wheels? And is that a big enough issue? Tons of jeeps have the wheels I have now. It is kind of nice to have something others don't though.
You tell me, look at these sexy beasts!

I am sooo excited (cue Pointer Sisters)
I finally did it. I ordered Noobs (that would be Noobie my namesake and Jeep Wrangler) some go-fast and stand-tall parts! I am hella amped even though I've never lifted a vehicle or even mucked around with suspension geometry on a vehicle before. Well, other than puttin some hot airshocks on my Thunderbird back in the day when such mods were "bitchin".
The go-fast will be totally cake though. Of course I admit, my go-fast and real go-fast are two different things. I am just hoping to be able to time my Jeep from zero to 60 with a watch with at least a minute hand as opposed to a 3 month calendar.
Next up will be some tires and maybe some sexy wheels. I am also hoping for some hot paint! We shall see!

Woe is me.
My reason for being, at least at Panda Express appears to be gone.
Where have you gone to Omar? Will you ever be back?
Your charming little mexi-stache was just starting to really fill out and you were taken from us too soon.
You always knew my two entree plate with orange chicken and mandarin, with no, not fried rice, but steamed. Sigh.
Never again shall I look upon your youthful visage and listen to you give your coworker a hard time about his cheesy wheels and stereo that was too much for his car.
You pretended to know me and you made me feel welcome that you remembered my favorite Panda dishes.
Panda is lesser now, without you.
A moment of silence is called for.
...
...
...
Fare thee well Omar, where ever you may be. May the good sun shine on your face and your Panda bowl always be full.

Hootie hoo noobiesvu is mobile! I totally posted this from my phone. sorta. I did have to edit it cuz it looked pretty lame. But lame no longer! I have corrected it and it now reeks of magnificence.

Ok, So I started this a while ago, and I just erased it all and started again. Goddamn I can be long winded. lol.